I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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