I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Randomize
