she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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