I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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