Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
