I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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