She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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