and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
