Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
