Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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