Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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