Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
