I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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