just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
