the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
