Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
