Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
where am i from again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
