I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
