Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
