as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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