There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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