i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
