i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
