Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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