It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
