Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
