the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drunk is not a location!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
