if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
