A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
