Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
