The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
