i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
