Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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