For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
