Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
