I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
