remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
