your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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