Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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