i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
