at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
