i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
