Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize