the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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