just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
