He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
