"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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