Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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