u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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