I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
