Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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