i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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