I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize