so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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