So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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