they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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