i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
