I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
