someone threw a dead crab at me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
