Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
