Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize