Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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