Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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