Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you inspire me to be a worse person
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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